New Chapters(Day 155)

What an amazing year 2014 has been!

It's the season for reflection, and for statements of resolution toward change. I have this tendency to go a little overboard with resolutions. I get so excited for a new mark in time that I think this is the year everything's going to change all at once - and it never is. Change doesn't happen all at once. 

I almost did it again this year. I almost put together a long list for myself that included things like finishing the Harry Potter series in six months (I don't have that kind of time) on top of reorganizing and refurnishing my entire house, learning enough recipes to fill a set of cook books...and it goes on. Really. 

Fortunately after almost five years with my husband, I occasionally get his common sense into my head. I was looking at my list, a question popped into my head: What do I want out of 2015?

It's a good question, and an important one. Stephen Covey even lists the mindset it comes from as one of the 7 habits of highly effective people. It's called "Beginning with the end in mind." I took a step back and said "At the end of 2015, what do I want to have accomplished?"

What do I really, actually want from 2015?

That birthed my 3 (and only 3!) resolutions. 

1. I'm going to keep up on an exercise habit 3-4 times a week (and more if the opportunity arises)

2. I'm going to work on my book for at least an hour every day. 

3. I'm going to recognize my victories when they happen, and accept my failures without beating myself up over them. 

And that's it, nice and simple. It's going to be an amazing year. 

Balance, Part 5 (Day 139)

Christmas is the perfect time to talk about balance because it's the one time of the year we all go a little wacky. I'm sure you have your own story you could relate about hosting Christmas (the turkey burned, the oven stopped working, my in-laws were a whole week earlier than I expected them!). We all know how hard it is to maintain any real balance during the Christmas season and so most of us throw it out the window entirely.

Real, healthy balance is about keeping your priorities taken care of while also maintaining your sanity. I'm here to tell you that it's totally possible during Christmas. What's the key? Knowing your priorities. In the words of Albert Einstein: "The important thing is to keep the important thing, the important thing."

For example:

Between three businesses, writing a book, managing my husband's health, and being a social 23-year-old girl, I'm busy. My calendar was scheduled all the way up to Christmas before the turkey was cooked on Thanksgiving; which means December 1st wasn't "the start of Christmas" for me this year. It was just December 1st. I had three appointments, two customer emergencies came up, I wrote 2,000 words in my book, and I started planning January. December 1st was totally characteristic of my entire month so far (and I'm loving every minute of it!).

This morning I agreed to host Christmas for the very first time and as soon as I got off the phone with my mother in law, I heard (figurative) plates crashing. Coming up with the menu plan, getting the house all festive, even coordinating who's bringing what dish: no problem! I was born to be a hostess! But I also know that when my schedule is packed and it's short notice, there's that much more potential for things to go wrong and challenge my sanity. My priority for Christmas is to enjoy family time and create good memories, so this year my family is eating Chinese takeout for Christmas despite my inner perfectionist's protests.

Balance.

It's the small space between burning up and hurtling into the darkness. It's getting plates in the air and knowing when to let a few of them fall. Sometimes it's having your schedule down to the minute, and sometimes it's throwing the schedule out the window. It's keeping yourself sane and your priorities straight - and it's what life is all about.

Balance part 4 (Day 129)

The key problem I have with balance philosophy is that it assumes nothing ever falls apart or goes differently than planned. Today's balance philosophy tells us that if only we were balanced enough, we could pile our plates higher and higher with utter peace of mind and nothing would ever go wrong.

What a load!

Plodding along under this philosophy we try to do our best and take on everything, say yes to everything we can, until one day it all just falls on top of us. Then, we sit on the floor surrounded by broken plates and beat ourselves up because if only we had enough balance, this wouldn't have happened.

At least, I do.

The truth is that if nothing is going differently than planned at least sometimes in your life, you're probably not doing much. Bodybuilders strive for safety in their workouts so they don't permanently injure themselves but they understand that their muscles will never grow unless the tissue is torn. The same is true in life. You don't know what you're capable of unless you push your limits and you never become capable of more unless you push past those limits. That means that, at least some times, all of your proverbial plates are going to fall. They're just going to.

Can you strive to keep them in the air longer and longer? Yes. Can you hone your craft and eventually be able to keep even more plates in the air? Absolutely. Can you do any of that without having the occasional dropped and even broken plate? Not a chance.

You can, however, pick up the plates and try again.

Sometimes things fall apart. Sometimes we even fall apart. It's just a fact of life. When the falling apart happens you can sit around beating yourself up, or you can take a breath, dust off, and try again. That's how you get better, how you learn.

In review:

• Total and ongoing unbalance is unhealthy
• Rigidity in the pursuit of perfection is both unhealthy and unrealistic
• It's important to understand where your limits are so you know when it's time to add more
• It's also important to understand that sometimes the plates are just going to fall, and that doesn't make you a failure. It makes you human. Don't be fooled into thinking that nobody else breaks plates just because they've swept up the mess by the time you see them again. We all do it. It's a fact of life. Continuing on after the plates fall is the important part. 

Balance Part 3 (Day 118)

We've all heard the term "spinning plates" as in "I'm just spinning so many plates right now." Or maybe you've heard it's child-term "I've got so many plates in the air." But have you ever actually watched someone spin plates? In case you haven't, here's a video:

Plate spinning on the Ed Sullivan show
Chinese plate spinners

 Plate spinning ranges from beautifully artistic to wacky and amazing, but they all have a few things in common:

1. Balance
2. Boundaries

What do boundaries have to do with spinning plates and keeping your life in order?

Watch the video above and you'll notice a few times when the plate spinner wanted to start another plate spinning but he looked at the ones he already had up there and decided against it. He saw a wibble where there should have been a wobble and he chose to do what was necessary to keep that plate (or bowl) on the move before adding another one to the act. He also knew exactly how many plates he could keep spinning - which meant he knew right when to stop. 

Do you know when to stop? When to hold back and keep what's already in the air going before adding something else?

Being forever unbalanced is unhealthy. Imagine if the spinner in this video couldn't keep a single bowl or plate in the air. It wouldn't be very entertaining, would it?

Being permanently balanced and forever exactly the same also isn't healthy. A key to the plate spinner's act is that his plan is flexible. 

The next thing to understand is that successfully using a lack of balance in your life requires knowing when to hold back or even stop altogether. You have to know when it's time for balance, and when it's time to throw the schedule out the window. 

Balance Part 2 (Day 113)

In order to understand when it's appropriate to toss this whole balance idea out the window, you first have to understand when balance really is needed and why.

Balance is a key part of how the universe works. Planet Earth is in perfect balance within the Sun's gravitational pull and that's what's keeping us all alive. A little lack of balance and we're either burning up or hurtling through space. Take a look around and you see just how necessary balance is to every part of life. Without it we fall over, plain and simple.

In our personal lives, balance is essential. If you don't balance things out, important things might get forgotten or left behind. If you're not being careful to balance your charity commitments, work, and family life, your children may go a few months without actually being able to have a conversation with you that doesn't center around your charity or work.

In my life, true balance means taking care of my husband, and taking care of the house, without leaving behind the need to take care of myself. For some reason, that's often difficult for me. I can do an excellent job of taking care of my husband and myself only to find that my house looks like I just had a birthday party for twelve toddlers. I've fallen over, and that fall causes me undo stress and starts to pick away at all the hard work I've put into taking care of my husband and myself.

There are some areas that just need balance all the time. Without these things in alignment, everything else falls apart. For example: If I ruin my marriage because my balance is missing and I'm failing to put effort into it, then my writing is useless. Just like we're all in trouble if the Earth one day becomes unbalanced in the Sun's orbit.

With that in mind we can understand why every psychologist and mental health advocate cries for balance as the chief need of the world. To an extent, they're absolutely right. No building stays standing without proper balance. It's the way the universe works, so why wouldn't that apply to our minds?

However...

As with all things, there is a point when focusing on balance too much can hold you back and set you up for failure.

Balance Part 1 (Day 110)

For the past few months, there's been one word that comes up in my internal monologue over and over again: Balance. I keep telling myself that I have to find the balance between work, and writing, and my health journey, and being a good wife, and having friendships, and ...well, everything else. Honestly, I've been so focused on getting balanced that I haven't been actually doing much of anything. I keep my living room reasonably clean, my husband reasonably fed (most nights) and then I get so overwhelmed with the idea of 'balancing' everything else out that I just sit down and crochet for a while so I can try to calm down and figure this thing out.

Not my piles, but mine are pretty similar

Which isn't balance, and also isn't terribly productive for anything except my crocheting hobby.

I've talked to a lot of different people about this balance deal. I've gotten a lot of different (really good!) suggestions. But for every suggestion I get, I end up with ten more things that are standing in the way. And all the while I'm sitting here, crocheting my little heart out, and begging myself to just get balanced already.

Today, I've had an epiphany: Maybe I don't have to be balanced.

Okay, so being permanently unbalanced is not healthy, not by a long shot. But maybe being permanently balanced isn't healthy either.

Thinking about it: Nobody looks at the mother of a newborn and says "Oh, sweetheart, make sure to balance that child's needs with the rest of your life." In fact, everybody knows that for the first few months, having a newborn means that you're going to be pretty unbalanced as a rule. You're not going to get much sleep, you probably won't get out much, and anything that requires higher brain function is probably getting tossed out the window for a while. (Those of you who have jobs and newborns must be demigods!) Everybody knows this, everybody understands it, and nobody thinks that a mother of a newborn should just get more balance in her life.

Why?

Because she has a new born! There's a brand new human being that she's responsible for and it can't do anything for itself. She has to devote every ounce of energy she has to keeping this thing alive and that means that everything else - even personal hygiene - becomes secondary (if it happens at all).

Maybe being the mother of a newborn isn't the only time that it's okay to be a little unbalanced. Maybe there are just times in life where everything else has to take a back seat to the one or two things that really, really matter for the moment.

Let's Talk Monday (Day 90)

Monday is the quintessential diet start day. Countless times have we stood in front of our calendar on a Monday, took a deep breath, and said to ourselves: "Day one. Let's try again."

Let's talk Monday for a minute.

For some people Monday's the hardest day. After a weekend full of the things that didn't get done during the week, Monday feels like another weight on the already too-heavy load we carry. For others, Monday is an easy day. We're addicted to starting over and that means we're addicted to Mondays - even if we know (and may already be planning) that we will probably give up again by Wednesday.

Here's the thing: Not every day is Monday. We can't live our lives for Monday any more than we can healthfully live our lives for Fridays. At some point, you've got to stop starting over. Time marches on without you if you're always living on day one.

In the last 90 days I've gained 40 pounds. I don't like that, not a single bit. But it's my own fault. I trapped myself with Mondays. "I'll start on Monday" I said to myself. On Monday I stood with renewed resolve and by Wednesday all I wanted was cake - so I had a giant piece with the justification that I'd "been good." On Friday I felt awful about Wednesday and so I had another overly large portion of something to cheer myself up. Saturday and Sunday are the weekend and I'd already screwed up again so I might as well throw it all to the wind. "I'll start again on Monday."

Sound familiar?

In June, when I hit the 80-pounds-down mark, I felt invincible. I started training for the marathon, gained some numbers on the scale, and felt way less invincible. I injured myself in August and felt like a flop. It was like all the work I'd done for 8 long months had been for nothing!

I wanted to think my weight was just a numbers problem. Get the numbers right in your food, get the numbers right on the scale, and "Voila!" You're fixed. It's so much more than that, though. It's understanding that you only get one "day one" when you make a change. Every single day counts. Every decision matters. It's learning to find joy in the right decisions. It's learning the terrain of your own subconscious so you know where all the pitfalls are. It's learning how to change your entire mental economy.

It's learning that Monday is just Monday and what you do with today added to what you did with yesterday and what you'll do with tomorrow is what really counts. That's why it's okay that I've gained back 40 pounds. Not ideal, not the goal, certainly not a trend I want to continue. But not the end of the world either because in the larger timeline, I'm still 40 pounds closer to where I want to be. And either way, I can still make today a step closer to my goals.

Here's to Monday, for what it's worth. Another fresh week, but not another day one.

(Day 63) October!

I love Autumn. I love the way sunlight creeps into the world a little slower, the hint of ice in the smell of the air, and the crunch of leaves on the sidewalk. I love pumpkin flavored everything and pitch black at six in the evening. I love sweaters and scarves and finger-less gloves, which all work beautifully in the Northwest in autumn. I love having a shorter day to work with because it has a way of creating a priority hierarchy all by itself.

I also love the first day of any month because it's a convenient marker for beginnings (and new beginnings).

Let's talk about October. But first, let's recap September.

In September, I tried to lose weight 100% without the aid of any meal replacements. I'd read that it was possible, I had my healthy recipes and my macronutrient guidelines, and I wanted to study for myself the opposing sides of the "eating healthy to lose weight" argument - those being either "It's totally possible and even easy, you're just lazy" and conversely, "Sure it's possible, but it's not reasonable for someone who has anything resembling a life or responsibilities."

It was a helpful experiment. It took some work and some willingness to eat the same general thing every day because of all the healthy things that don't work well with my husband's digestive system (plus, okra: ew); but I found it fairly easy on our slower weeks. On the weeks that I stuck to my plan, I saved money and maintained my weight well. If I'd been adding exercise I am confident I would have lost weight on those days.

However...

My reality is that I need a simpler solution for the long-term because not every week is a slow week. Some weeks are really busy weeks. Some weeks, there's so much work to do that I only have half my brain (and I'm not even the one doing most of the work!)

I was going to the grocery store almost every day between the amount of fresh produce, meat, and dairy, and the things on my list I sometimes forgot. It worked out great for the first week and a half. Then it stopped working. I got too busy to stop and cook meals in the middle of the day, we weren't at home with our yogurt at meal time, and we missed scheduled fueling breaks. This lead to extremely hungry and sometimes cranky people come dinnertime and since we were both running on fumes by that time I had no energy for cooking. Junk food and poor portioning choices crept back into the picture.

I gained weight in September. Blech. With exercise I'm confident I would have maintained my weight instead, but I wasn't making time for exercise either.

The results of my experiment are summed up as this: Healthy eating is budget-wise and when paired with exercise is an effective way to lose weight. However, between my schedule and my cravings it's not reasonable to expect myself to always only rely on healthy whole-food eating. I need healthy meal replacements as a supplement in my life. Anyone who has a variable schedule that doesn't allow for regular feeding times beyond a few bites that required no preparation work, or who struggles with impulse control and cravings, will probably benefit greatly from the use of meal replacements as a regular part of life.

On to October!

I'm excited about October! It's going to be a really good month for us!

Tired of setting weight goals and then not creating the habit of activity to back them up, in October I'm setting a different kind of goal. My goals for October are to exercise for an hour 6 or 7 days every week, to eat reasonable portions at regular intervals using meal replacements as a supplement when needed, to shy away from the higher carb options in favor of the higher protein ones, and to limit my sweets to once or twice a week. By doing these things, I'll lose weight as a matter of course, and I'll create a habit system that's much more in line with the way I want to live long term. I also have a goal to learn at least one new dinner recipe. After all, I'm a bit of a one-trick pony right now (but boy, is that trick tasty!)

To make my goals work in October, I'm also going back to waking up at 4 in the morning so I have plenty of time to drink my protein shake, exercise, and get some blogging or a few chores into my morning even on the busiest days.

What are some of your October goals, and how are you going to change your life to make sure they happen?

McQuade Slightly Spicy Chicken Tenders

I don't know about you, but I used to love the spicy chicken nuggets from a certain fast food establishment. I'm not normally a spicy food person but those are so delicious and fairly addicting. At least, they were. After six months straight of eating clean, healthy foods my whole system has changed the way it works - including my taste buds! Never mind all the calories and preservatives and...yuck.

These chicken tenders are delicious!

For two servings you'll need:

1 pound of boneless, skinless, chicken breast
2 tbsp cooking oil (olive or canola)
Salt
Cayenne pepper
A large skillet
2 gallon ziploc freezer bags

Step one - and this is the most important step - is to brine the chicken. When you brine the chicken, you're just soaking it in salt water. I like to cut my chicken first so it doesn't have to soak so long in the water. Cut the breast lengthwise in strips about 1/4 inch thick and put the strips into a the freezer bag.

Go ahead and prep all your chicken at the same time. It saves time later and letting it brine longer will only help the flavor! Just make sure that you only fill the bag 3/4 of the way so there's room for the water

Step Two - Put a lot of salt (Seriously a lot. 1/8 to 1/4 cup) into the bag with your chicken and fill the bag up with as much warm water as you can fit into it while still closing the bag. Shake the bag a little to get the salt water all mixed and to separate the chicken pieces so they can all get flavored up. Then, place that bag inside of the other one and seal it firmly. Leave the bags in the refrigerator for an hour and a half (or longer).

I tend to place the double-bagged chicken in a bowl to store in the fridge, just in case.

Step Three - Season your skillet! Sprinkle cayenne pepper and salt into the bottom of your pan. For extra kick, add garlic or more salt. For less kick, go with regular black pepper instead of cayenne pepper.

Also add the 2 Tbsp of oil to your pan (more for a bigger pan, less for a smaller one) and warm it on low heat so the oil spreads evenly.

Step Four - Add the chicken strips to your pan in a single layer and season the top of the chicken strips the same way you seasoned the pan, then cook them on medium heat. Don't worry about excess moisture in the pan, and wait to flip them until they're white almost all the way through.

Step Five - When the chicken is finished cooking, remove it and let the strips sit on paper towels to drain any residual oil. While they're resting, pour off all of the extra liquid so your pan is mostly dry. Re-heat your pan over high heat and add the chicken. Cook for less than a minute before turning over. Strips should be nicely browned.

Serve with steamed broccoli and a small serving of whole wheat pasta seasoned with a little bit of butter and oregano to complete the meal. It's delicious, and it has just a little bit of a kick without being too spicy!

You can also try seasoning a baking sheet, coating the strips in panko, or regular bread crumbs, and baking at 350 (farenheit) until golden brown.

Year 2, Day 39

Week 10

Part of me doesn't even want to write this post. After all, if I admit fault - real, actual fault - then someone might think I'm (gasp!) imperfect!

I was lazy this week. There's no two ways about it, I was lazy. There were contributing factors, for sure. Jared was sick, and after finding myself in a temporary budget crunch with the emotional blech of a cold I resorted to those "good ol' " childhood favorites: Pasta, ramen, and grilled cheese. These things are definitely cheap and I really do think they have a place in life. However, that place is not three meals a day. Because of the carb-load, I got all sluggish (my body loves simple carbs but is not genetically designed to handle them well). Instead of exercising like I knew I should be to burn off the extra, I sat on the couch with my husband and watched Star Trek while he faded in and out of consciousness. (Ah, the sleep cycle of the germ-besieged)

On the bright side, we got lots of cuddle time!

At first my systems didn't seem affected by the turn for the worse in our diet. That only encouraged my lazy, self-indulgent momentum. -sigh-

No more!

Last week I got my 100 Days of Real Food cookbook in the mail and I used that, cross-referenced with my Habits of Health book, to create a cheap but also healthy menu plan for this coming week. There's not much variety, because I'm still figuring out the (cheap + healthy + not going to aggravate Jared's existing health problems + doesn't require a crock pot or more than 15 minutes to throw together) combination. Fortunately for us, Jared and I are pros at eating the same thing over and over for a while. Our minds like the routine of it. In fact, Jared could probably eat the same daily menu for months on end. I need variety from week to week, so we'll see what happens next week. I've also resolved to buy a crock-pot as my next home improvement purchase.

Here's the menu:

Breakfast - Rolled oats with 1/2c milk and 1/2 apple
Snack - String cheese
Lunch - 1/2 grilled cheese sandwich on whole wheat, and 1/2 apple
Snack - 1c tomato soup
Dinner - Chicken tenders (homemade) with a hearty serving of broccoli
Snack - 1 square of dark chocolate and 6 cashews

That may look like it's not a lot of food. In the first week of transitioning onto a healthier, lower-calorie meal plan it certainly doesn't feel like a lot of food. But as the body adjusts you begin to see that it's really the perfect amount for a 2-3 hour interval.

I'm looking forward to getting back to a healthy eating style. I'm not a leafy greens kind of person, and I've actually been *craving* salads - which means that my body is in a pretty sorry state internally. My main focus right now is weight loss, but even if I don't lose a pound (which is unlikely), I'll be happy for a few weeks to just start feeling like I'm eating healthy again!

Yeah, I know, I'm one of *those* people. I never thought I would be one of *those* people, but I am now, and it's actually pretty nice. If I just listen to my body I should be fine weight-wise once I reach my goal. That realization is so exciting I don't even have words.

Y2 D31

Training Week 9

I'm not sure that I can call these training weeks anymore, at least not for a little while. I've backed my exercise WAY down so that I can focus in on eating from the lower end of the glycemic index for a little while. It's been good to exercise again, and I'm adjusting to the slower pace. To compensate I'm adding variety with yoga and strength training as well as my elliptical work.

Yoga has been interesting! I've learned just how much I can't make my body do yet, but I'm really excited to expand my capabilities. I'm working with the basic videos from youtube and though some of them really don't feel like a workout at all, I'm enjoying the new activity. It's a big learning curve for me, and something I really want to integrate into the rest of my life. I can see myself doing morning yoga with my munchkins someday!

Week 10 promises to be a challenge for me - in a good way! As I mentioned, I've decided to start tomorrow with a lower glycemic eating plan to encourage weight loss. This is how I initially shed so much weight this year, but in July and August I got away from it as I started training more intensely. The first time I had a wide variety of meal replacements that I was using to help my progress - I call this the 'easy way' when I'm talking to people who ask for my help as a health coach. It really is much easier! But this time financial priorities have shifted a little bit and I didn't put my order for this month's meal replacements in at the right time, so I'll be without for a few weeks and I'll be doing this the 'hard way.' That is, I'll be specifically planning to cook my meals, with careful eyes on the glycemic index and macro-nutrient profiles of my food.

Thinking about this, I decided to take it on as an actual challenge and see just how creative I can get with this! If I learn anything worth sharing - tips and tricks to make it all more simple, for example - I'll be sharing it with you all. This is going to be a great adventure!

I'll personally be using two very important tools to help me. The first is my nutritional supplements. Macro-nutrient groups are important, but they're just a piece of the nutrition puzzle. I have a complete supplementation system that provides all of the nutritional daily minimums so that everything else is just extra awesome.

The second tool I'll be using - and I'm so very excited about this one! - is a cookbook. Not just any cookbook, mind you. This is the 100 Days of Real Food Cookbook by Lisa Leake. I admire Lisa a lot and I've been following her blog for some time. She and her family are committed to a life of eating almost exclusively what she calls "real food." That is, foods that aren't processed. I've watched the evolution of this lifestyle for her family through her blog, and I'm not only very proud of her but also very grateful to her for all of her efforts and her willingness to share with the general public. Even though we've never met, I feel like we're good friends. Lisa is someone who I see as being on my team in my health journey and I'm so glad to have her advice and experience on my side!

Of course, I have to wait for my copy to ship to me, so I'll be going for a week or two on just what I've learned about health so far. All in all, I think week 10 is going to be a lot of fun!

Y2 D24

Training week 8

As predicted, week 8 was a whole lot of resting to recover from my injuries. It's infuriating to be laid up like this, after working so hard toward consistency and making exercise such a regular part of life. I've been feeling frustrated all week, like I'm going to jump out of my skin if I don't get back to exercising soon. Fortunately, I seem to be mostly healed now! In week 9 I'll be picking my exercise habit up again, with 30 minutes minimum on the elliptical every day.

Being injured and forced to rest has given me some thinking time, though. I've been able to re-organize more and more of my home, moving a piece at a time into the right place and brainstorming what furniture or storage pieces I should buy to maximize the space that I have. I'm really excited about getting all of this organized and optimized!

To avoid injury, I'm also going to return to the 5 & 1 program from Medifast - which is also how I lost the initial 80 pounds. I'll be staying strictly on this program for two months, limiting my exercise so I don't make the whole thing harder for myself,  and then I'll transition back to a diet that will better serve a training schedule. I'll be training through the holidays, and hopefully I won't need to return to strictly following 5&1 again. I think my injury was largely a result of my body not being ready to handle the distance over time while carrying my weight. If everything goes according to plan, I'll drop another 20-40 pounds in the next two months, and then my training will be much less stressful on my body!

Overall, I'm not happy about having to rest for a week to recover from my overuse injuries. But I do see how it's been good for me, and given me opportunity to reflect, re-calibrate, and prepare to re-launch!

Y2 D18

Training Week 7

It feels like I've been at this longer than 7 weeks. In week 7 I injured myself twice. I now have the training trifecta (blood, sweat, and tears). This is all said in good humor. My first injury was a flesh wound on my shin and knee with some severe bruising, so it didn't really get in the way of my training at all. The second one I did yesterday on my 13-mile walk. For as much as I love exercise, my body still "hits the wall" at ten miles. Twelve was okay last week. It was pushing myself just a little bit farther than my body wanted to go and I was fine after a single day of soreness.

13 is a different story. There are a lot of factors that went into it. For example: I went out later in the day instead of at dawn, and so the intensity of the sun sapped my energy pretty fast. Because of the time of the day I was also dealing with constantly having to alter my course for the other pedestrians, bikes, and roller-blades. Another huge factor was that I walked alone yesterday, which made it way harder for me to get out of my own head when I started feeling the pain that signals an approaching "wall." I work hard to stay positive in everything I do and especially my training, but walking a distance like that alone just plain sucks.

With these factors combined I felt the proverbial wall approaching at mile six and by mile 10 I'd smacked into it pretty hard. Long story short: 13 miles in the middle of the day and without a walking partner is more than I can handle right now, and I've injured myself. I don't know the extent of it, but I'm going to take a few extra days of rest in hopes that it will fix itself if I just stay off my feet.

It's a sad ending to an otherwise great week. I've been elliptical training at home this week and I keep beating my previous record. It's a lot of fun! Getting to watch the RPM, distance, and time meters while I'm working out enables me to switch things up so I can focus on different parts of my training like cardiovascular strength or speed endurance. It gives me focus to watch those numbers, and engages my natural competitiveness. I've really enjoyed it!

Week 8 is mostly going to be recovery. In a few days I'll get some yoga in to relax and re-strengthen my injured joints, and I'll probably try some low intensity elliptical work. For the first time in a long time, my pain level is actually going to hold me back. But I'm still optimistic about week 8 being an excellent week for my training, in different ways.

Y2, D12: Organization

I think I have a knack for organization. At least, I have a knack for taking a complete disaster area of a home and making it look organized. Containers, labels, you name it! I'm great at staying up 48 hours straight to "get organized." I'm not so great at the other half of organization, which is systems and habits that lend to continued organization. My husband and I have been together for four years and I just this month bought him something to put his keys into every night because I was tired of them ending up in the washer.

At the moment, I'm on an organization spree. I'm throwing out old papers and projects that are just taking up space, I'm sorting through old clothes and shoes and knick-knacks; I'm basically tearing the house apart, throwing away a bunch of stuff, and then putting it back together in a way that seems like it will lend to future organization.

Of course, I'm doing this all before reading the books I picked out on organization, because they haven't arrived in the mail yet and once a project like this gets stuck in my head it's stuck there for good. So I'm doing all of this, fully knowing that in a few weeks I'll have to do it all again. Some people would say that's a little crazy and I...probably would agree with them. That's not the point. The point is that even though I'm still tearing things up like a Tasmanian devil, the little bit of organization I've been able to create has made a huge difference for my life! I'm remembering more appointments (because they're all written down and I actually look at my calendar every day). I'm arriving on time most of the time. I generally have clothes clean and ironed  when it's time to put them on to go - you can ask my husband, that one's been a long time coming. There's all these different areas where I'm doing better and better because I am *finally* getting organized!

If you'll remember, that's one of my goals this year. Organization has been a huge stumbling block for me and I've probably lost a lot of opportunities because of it. I'm really excited to be seeing this improvement, even if I will have to re-create the whole system once I've actually read the books.

Y2, Day 11

Training Week 6

Closing out week six it's getting harder to notice positive change in myself. I've started looking for the right yoga videos on youtube (some of them play too much into the 'yoga is an Indian culture' thing for my taste) and I've kept up on my training habit besides that, but everything seems 'business as usual' right now with only one exception. I'm hitting a point I've coached a lot of people through: Muscle-related weight gain. I'm finding that I, just like everyone else, have a hard time emotionally with muscle related weight gain. Besides that, I've been reverting to some old carb-heavy eating habits. It just got way too easy to go for the same huge portion of a high-carb meal every day! This means that not all of the weight I've gained has been muscle related, which makes the whole thing a lot more frustrating for me.

With that in mind, week 7 is all about focus and polish. I've printed up a reminder of my next weight goal along with a chart where I can put one of those foil star stickers on each pound shed, and some reminders of the habits I need to have every day in relation to my food intake. I keep having to remind myself that this isn't a massive failure. It's just a point where I have to say "whoops" and get back on track. Fortunately my awesome husband has been doing a stellar job of helping me keep my head on straight in this area. He reminds me that I *have* actually gained muscle and that I *am* actually looking slimmer and more fit than I used to.

That guy's a gem. He's my biggest supporter, sometimes my only supporter, and I don't think I could have made this much progress without him.

Speaking of which: I'd like to give mad props to Jared for walking 12 miles with me on Saturday so I wouldn't be alone for my distance and endurance training! My walking partner is getting married and moving away, so her schedule's all tied up now and I've been going it alone for a few days. But I really hate training alone. It sucks. I asked Jared to help me out and he gladly stepped in for the 12 mile challenge.

Not only has he helped me by walking with me on Saturday, but his recovery process has shed some light on my own progress. I've been incrementally increasing the distance I walk daily and weekly for almost two months now. Jared's also been working out daily for two months, but he isn't training for a marathon and so he hasn't been focusing on his distance or endurance over time. His workouts are generally 30 minutes on the elliptical in the morning, and his focus is way more on going as fast as possible for that 30 minutes.

When it came to walking 12 miles, he started out strong (and a little bit frustrated that I kept telling him to slow down). He walked the whole distance with the expected amount of slowing down on the second half and especially toward the end. We both spent Saturday gingerly limping around and wincing whenever we would try to stand up or sit down. Then the difference my progress has made for me started to show. I made sure to get us both walking around despite the pain on Saturday so we wouldn't stiffen up too much, and that was all my body needed. I was really stiff and sore when I first woke up on Sunday, but by the time I'd finished making breakfast my body had gotten with the program and I was fine. Today I feel great and I'm headed out for another walk on my regular training schedule. Jared, on the other hand, continued to suffer through the day yesterday. He handled it like a pro, but his body was still objecting to being put through the 12 mile walk.

What I've realized from watching him is that my body is bouncing back way faster than it used to, and I'm

learning a lot about how to help it along. The first five mile distance and endurance walk had me limping around for days afterward, but Saturday's 12 mile only took a little over a day to recover from! These are the 'non-scale victories' and they're harder to see, but they're so important to notice.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying you should put your husband in pain so you can take pride in how much better than him you're doing! But I am encouraging you - and especially myself - to make sure we're noticing those victories that aren't proven in the number on the scale or the size on our pants. Those victories that are wrapped in progress, that you may not even notice if you're not looking for them, are so important to keeping up your desire to stay on track with your goals.

Here's to week 7 and even more progress!

Year 2, Day 3

Training Week 5

Today my training partner and I walked 10 miles. 10 miles! I was tempted to brush it off. After all, it's not my goal. I've been working up to this. It's not a big deal, right? Except that it is a big deal, because it's ten miles! My body made sure I knew that. I've been "walking it off" all day (curse my husband's childhood soccer games). My husband thinks it's pretty funny to watch me limping down the stairs because the last hour on my butt with the ice pack has left my muscles stiff. That limp has forced me to realize three very big things:

1) Ten miles is a big deal!
2) Ten miles is a bit hard on my body.

And best of all:
3) Two months ago I couldn't have completed ten miles without puking, and I couldn't have walked around the house the next day. Today I did! That's an even bigger deal!

Despite the pain that I'm in from pushing my limits today, I'm feeling amazing. It's like I'm a whole new person! Two months ago I couldn't have completed ten miles in one sitting. In January I couldn't have completed the five that I do every day. I hadn't really put a lot of thought into that. I hadn't really thought about the fact that just seven months ago I was...a whole different person. I wasn't capable of doing the same things I'm doing every day now. I certainly wasn't capable of pushing myself to the extents that I can now!

Sure, I hurt right now. At quite a few points today I've hurt...a lot. It's a little insane. But I relish this hurt. It means that I pushed my boundaries. It means that I went farther today than I have before, that I'll be able to go even farther next week. It means that soon I'll be even stronger, and even better. It means that today I was more capable than I was six months ago, two months ago, or even a few weeks ago.

I can't really describe to you how important this is to me. Instead, let me ask you this:

Just how much could your life change in the next few weeks if you got started today?

Year Two, Day One: Goals

I thought that July 22nd would be my day one. But on my birthday I sat down to write this post and realized that I had no clue what my goals were. That wasn't entirely accurate. I had a vague idea. What I didn't have was anything solid and communicable. I decided to take a few weeks to think about this, and now that it's August 1st I think I've probably had enough time to think. So here we go, my goals for the next 365 days:

1. Finish the editing process on my first book and get that published, then work on marketing it. This is...so huge. I've just finished writing the darn thing, it's the first book I've ever completed in my entire life, and I'm over the moon about this new adventure.
   
2. Write my second book and get the editing process started on that one. I've only just started the edits on my first book and I already have the second one itching in my brain. This is thrilling, really, because for the past six years I've suffered pretty massive writer's block. Now I've not only finished one book but the second one just can't wait to be written! What's the secret? Just sit down and write. Seriously. Just...do it.
   
3. Continue in my habit of walking daily (with a rest day every 4th day), lead that habit into a jogging habit, and eventually a running habit. Ultimately, I would love to be running five to ten miles every day by this time next year. I never thought I'd be an exercise person. It used to be so unpleasant! I used to have to drag myself out of bed and onto the elliptical, labor through the bare minimum workout, and force myself not to crash back into bed immediately after.
   
   Now? I love exercise! So much! I'm one of *those* people. I love the way I feel after a good run and I love knowing that I'm being good to my body. I love the soreness when I push myself a little too far because that's coming later and later in the walk recently. I get so excited about something stupid like new gel insoles, because it means walking is going to be even more comfortable! I'm looking forward with great anticipation to making running a regular part of my life.
   
4. Learn yoga! I'll probably start with pregnancy yoga, just because. People keep telling me I should yoga, and I keep finding dumb reasons not to. But I found dumb reasons not to walk, too. Now I can't imagine wanting to go back to a life without my morning walks! I think yoga will probably be the same thing. So, I'm going to start with pregnancy yoga and learn what I can, then move on to other muscle-toning yoga to get that lean muscle mass I covet in other women.
   
5. Run the Seattle Rock N Roll half marathon! This is what started the whole exercise thing for me. I don't know if I'll like marathons, but I'll like the people I'll be running with and I'll really like being able to say "I ran a half marathon" - Although now that I say it, I'm thinking I probably won't be satisfied until I've done a full marathon. Just a thought.
   
6. Have a baby (or two). Yes, it is my goal to start our family this year. I cannot even describe how amazingly stoked I am for this one. I've wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, and it feels like I've been waiting FOREVER to start having kids. Sometime this year, we're going to start! (I invite you to party dance in preparation.)
   
7. GET ORGANIZED! If this was a priority goal list, this one would be way at the top. Seriously, I am *so* disorganized. I've got a few tricks I employ to keep things running around here, but getting some actual organization going is a good idea. Franklin Covey here I go!
   
8. Reclaim my yard. This may seem like a weird one. There has been so much weed killer dumped on my yard, it's absurd. The whole yard, with the exception of some very resilient weeds, is dead. I want my yard back. This year, I want to reclaim my yard, starting with ripping the whole thing up so we can start again. This is going to be a big project, and I know next to nothing about gardening, so there will probably be a lot of fodder in here for another book. But I will learn!
   
9. Get down to a size 4. This one's scary for me to write. Can I get down to a 4 in a year? Probably. But I've never been a 4 before. At least, not with an adult body! I don't know what I'll look like in a 4. Part of me isn't sure I can get to a 4.
   
   Honestly, I just want to be lean. Super lean. Skinny lean, but healthy lean. The size doesn't matter as much if the general image I'm going for shows up. But for now, let's quantify it, and say size 4.
   
10. Read 40 books. I've seriously dropped off in my reading. Last year was supposed to be about this, but my weight became too much of a problem and it had to be focused on. This year, I want to read 40 books that will teach me something new and important. 

I plan to update regularly with how this is going, basically any time I make progress. It's going to be fun! 

Day 365

Here we are, one year later.

My friends, it has been an adventure!

If you'll remember, I started this year with a list of goals. To be completely honest with you, I didn't hit any of them. I didn't lose 104 pounds, expand my business network with 2 new business contacts every day, or sell any blankets. What did I do? 

I shed 80 pounds, the first step in getting my health into alignment so I can move forward and enjoy my life to its fullest potential. I also made a commitment to be more myself, and to be more open with people. These two decisions have led to other decisions and my life has changed so dramatically!  

Even at the point of desperation I'd hit when I made the decision to start this journey, I was being dishonest. I couldn't allow myself to be open about the way that I was struggling, so I lied. I sugar coated my progress and said that I was feeling better about myself when really the daily fight against my growing sense of worthlessness was becoming steadily more difficult to win. I distracted myself from the issues I was facing by imagining that I was making forward progress as I saw my weight continue to climb. I accepted my husband's placation and convinced myself that I was doing better than I actually was. When I did finally realize that I had failed on my journey, I fudged the lines of truth to save face. Despite having gained 60 pounds and three dress sizes, as well as increasing my blood pressure and experiencing a host of other symptoms that pointed to poor physical and mental health, I stubbornly continued on my path of destruction all the while whistling merrily and encouraging others to follow me. 

I am so glad no one did!

In January I finally decided to enlist some help and I updated my goals; but I chose to listen to someone who was not an expert, was not trained properly, and was not capable of actually helping me. Her advice led to my injury, and I lost hope. 

Hope is a terrible thing to lose. I couldn't even maintain the lie and illusion of positive progress anymore, and I sank into a deep depression. I hid from everyone, started lashing out at my husband, and constantly berated myself for my failure. My dreams were crushed, and my heart grew bitter. Even though this time in my life is now far behind me, it still brings tears to my eyes and heaviness to my heart when I think about it. 

I spent almost six months lying to you, my friends, and I pointed you in the wrong direction. For that I am deeply sorry. 

Here's where the story changes. Have I mentioned yet how incredibly blessed I am to be married to Jared? He would not allow me to wallow in the pit I threw myself into. Within two days of injuring myself and abandoning hope, he found a new solution. A real solution. Despite my arguments, misgivings, and temper tantrums, Jared started us on the path to true health by finding the information we'd been missing. After two weeks of trying to persuade me to use the information, Jared put his foot down. He gave me no choice. "You will do this." No 'or else' and no door number two. I grudgingly spent a month studying and immediately applying the science of physical health, and I saw results. They were small results. I wasn't sure that they would last. But those small results reignited my hope. 

By March that flickering candle of hope had grown into a blazing fire. My results were still small and not very evident, even my husband wasn't sure if he could honestly see a difference. He understood that saying there was change to make me feel better, without seeing actual change would only encourage me to begin lying to myself again.He withheld his praise for my progress. But I was learning so much, and every new bit that I learned and applied created more momentum. Fueled by hope I realized that I could not maintain any sort of positive change physically if I was constantly abusing myself mentally, and I reached out to God for help in breaking the cycle of negativity and depression in my mind. 

In May the physical results were tangible and undeniable to me, but the mental results were still limping along. Every morning was still a battle against the monster of self-depreciation inside my head. Every day was still a constant struggle to stay patient and kind and calm. Yet, I was winning more often than not. My physical progress gave me hope that God could then use to fuel more mental progress. I finally felt secure enough to admit that I had been wrong, but I didn't feel like I had any room to talk about the right way. 

May was a month of huge growth for me personally, and in June my personality really started bursting forward. I finally let go of the idea that I was not qualified to share what I'd learned and decided to start helping people. It's been really cool to help others succeed, one small victory at a time. It's been amazing to learn what I'm capable of and to push myself and my own limits. 

Now we're here. 

It's been one year since I stared down the girl in the mirror and decided that something needed to change. One year since I started focusing on becoming happier and healthier. Let me tell you, it's been an amazing year. Did I reach my stated goals? No. Not even close in some cases. Am I happier and healthier now than I was this time last year? Oh yes! 

Am I stopping here?

I thought about this one for a long time. It seems like there's an obvious answer here, but I didn't want to rush into anything emotionally. At first I thought that I would shut down this blog, focus on my teaching and encouragement blog, and let this one year challenge fade into the background until it was forgotten altogether. After all, I failed.

This past weekend I attended an amazing business conference in Portland, Oregon. I heard a lot of different leaders speak about their struggles, about their victories, and about their hope for the future. I heard the same principles I've been hearing for many years at these conferences, but this time one in particular stood out differently to me. Maybe you've heard of failing forward? It's the idea that even if you fall, you're still closer to your goal because you're learning from your failure. It's a concept I've heard about over and over again. In fact, my business mentor has even told me personally that I needed to learn to accept failure as part of the process and learn to fail forward instead of always beating myself up for my mistakes!

For some reason, at this conference, the idea of failing forward stood out to me more than usual and I decided that when it came to this blog and the journey that accompanies it, failing forward is exactly what I had to do. 

I missed my goal. But I'm so much closer to being my best self than I was a year ago. I've come so far! Tomorrow starts another one-year journey in which I'll be working to constantly improve myself in a few key areas, and I'd sure love it if you'd join me. It's going to be such an adventure. 

Day 364

Closing out week three and starting up week four in my marathon training, I'm feeling pretty awesome. My energy has continued to stay up and I'm becoming something of a morning person now that I'm sleeping well. Last week I finally hit a goal that I've had for a while: getting four miles into an hour! That's an especially cool victory for me because my ankle was slightly out of place that day (I pushed myself too hard the day before and then slept in a weird angle). I felt like I was going to much slower because of my ankle, but at the end of the walk I discovered that we'd actually gone a bit faster than usual! I think the regular warm-ups are contributing to that a lot. Once my muscles are used to the idea that it's time to do something, they're pretty eager to cooperate.

Over the past three weeks I've been incredibly blessed to have my training partner with me. She has knowledge where I lack it, is compassionate and ready to work with me while also pushing me to improve, and she has become a dear friend of mine in this short time. Sometimes God just brings the right people into your life and she has definitely stepped up to fill in a gap in my life.

Other than that it's been a somewhat uneventful week. Training went well, I reached a new goal, and that's awesome!

This week, I'm going to be focusing more on going as far as possible in the same amount of time. I'm excited to see how far and how fast I can go before I start jogging.

Day 356

Good morning!

Today is the end of week 2 (and beginning of week 3) of my training program to be ready for the half marathon in June. I'm feeling pretty great! Even when I don't get the right amount of sleep, I have plenty of energy!

In week one my average speed/distance was 2.2 miles in 42 minutes. In week two I beat that! The average for week two was 2.75 miles in 47 minutes!

Averages are affected by my endurance training though, which is when I walk a longer distance in preparation for the next week's increase in miles. What I like better is that last Sunday I walked as fast as I could and my rate was 2.32 in 42 minutes, but this Sunday I walked 2.74 miles in 43 minutes!!

As my friend Victoria says, Do The Dance!

This week, I'm getting my walking up to 3 miles every day and at the end of the week my distance training will be 6 miles long. We're also adding some warm-up/cardio activity and stretching prior to the walk, to potentially increase our overall speed. I'm excited!

Day 349

Did I mention I'm training for a (half) marathon? I'm sure I did. I'm really excited about it!

Today was the end of my first week of training. I feel great! I've taken it a little slow, don't want to overdo it in my first week and have to stop. But I feel good. I've got a friend who's walking with me for my training and I'm really excited about having someone who's willing to be up at 6am with me every morning! It's helping me stay motivated, and we always have great conversations.

I started this week with big ambitions for the rest of my training. Maybe a little too big. my year-long training plan had me scheduled to be running 13 miles every day from October through June. In my excitement and - I admit - lack of knowledge, I thought this was a good idea. It would help me make sure that I could actually run the 13 miles when the time came. If I was running 13 miles every day anyway, the half marathon would be no problem!

Okay, so I was a little carried away by my excitement for this goal.

Over the course of the week I've been continuing my research and refining the training schedule. I've come to the realization that 13 miles is a half marathon - and something people only do about once a quarter - for a reason. It's a lot of miles! To do that every day would A) take a while, B) increase my chances of hurting myself or burning out, and C) make finishing the half marathon less of a victory.

For those reasons, and mostly because it was a bad idea bred from overzealousness in the first place, I've altered my training plan. A part of me is sad about not following my original plan, but a bigger part of me is excited to have a refined plan that's going to work better for me long term.

It's HappyHealthy day 349, and training day 7, and it's going to be a super awesome day.

Day 316

I've just agreed to complete a marathon!

It was totally spur of the moment. I saw that two people who are super awesome and who I totally admire are putting together a group to run the Seattle Rock N Roll marathon in 2015 and I thought, "I should totally do that!"

So I said that I would.

Without any research or real prior thought, without ever doing it before, without even being a person who runs or walks long distances on a regular basis, I said that I would complete a whole marathon.

I'm a woman of my word, so I'm going to do it. I'm actually really excited about it! But I'm also a little bit terrified.

Today, on day 316 of my first one-year journey toward health, I've agreed to do something that I never in a million lifetimes would have done if I had given it two seconds of thought or research. I have one year to train, and then I'll complete the marathon.

I'm still a little bit dazed that I even agreed to it, to be honest! But I'm going to do it to keep my word, to get closer to these awesome people I really admire, and for one really huge important reason that I didn't even realize I had. The real reason I agreed to do this in such a split second, is that it's something I never thought I could ever do. Not in a million years. I used to look at pictures of people who had successfully completed these marathons and how happy they were, and I used to think "they must feel so accomplished!" Then I would think how I could never do that. I had plenty of reasons. Good reasons. False reasons. The reality was that I never thought  could do it because I never thought I would be healthy enough for my body to actually handle something like that.

Now, things are different. Now, I have hope. Now, I've already gotten 80 pounds healthier this year! Now I know that by this time next year, I can be ready.

It's going to be difficult, training for this is probably going to require a lot more from me than other things I've tried to do (if my preliminary research is any indication), but it's going to be so much fun!

Follow me here, where I'll try to keep you up to date by posting regular marathon training updates!

Day 275

Pretty neat, huh?

The past five months have certainly been crazy. It sounds so cliche, but my whole life has changed.

In the fall of last year someone from the local Chamber of Commerce pointed out one of the businesses they'd recently signed as members and suggested that we would like knowing each other. She told us, "They are health coaches, they help people lose weight by eating...or something like that, I guess."  Outwardly, I got excited. I knew the value of losing weight and getting healthier, so anyone who was actually doing it was doing a good thing! But inwardly, I rolled my eyes. I heard "health coach" as "expensive personal trainer" and my first honest thought about it was "oh...one of those."

I was biased. Obviously.

I'd just spent so much time trying and trying again at everything I could think of with a semi-reasonable set of rules at a semi-reasonable price. I wanted, desperately, to lose the extra weight I'd been storing up since 4th grade, but nothing had worked. When this conversation happened, I'd just given up on yet another attempt...the one that started this blog, actually. I was clinging to the hope that maybe I just needed to learn to accept myself the way I was and then everything would be OK, but I'd lost hope of actually getting better.

I tucked the business name in a mental file somewhere and otherwise discarded the whole conversation.

The Wednesday before Thanksgiving we were invited to someone's pre-Thanksgiving party, where we were introduced to a Ken-and-Barbie type of couple with big personalities. They both looked like they either had really hit the gene pool jackpot, or they probably spent a lot of time in weight lifting clubs and day spa salons. I didn't like them (sorry, guys!). In fact, I didn't like them so much that I had to consciously remind myself not to sneer at them. They were just too perfect.

Once again, I was seeing things through my bias.

When you've spent the majority of your life being fat, you learn to hate people who make you feel bad about that just by being in the room. Ken and Barbie did that for me, like a shining example of all the ways I wasn't measuring up to where I thought I should probably be.

Fortunately my husband wasn't held back by any such bias! He struck up a conversation with Ken and Barbie and it turned out (as it usually does) that they were awesome people. Ken explained that what they actually do as health coaches is help people establish the kinds of life-long habits that will help them obtain and maintain a happy, healthy lifestyle. It sounded less like everything else that I had tried than what our friend said it was. But I still wasn't ready to receive what they had to offer. I still had this idea that "healthy" and "preachy, extremist, crazy person who eats vegetables" were the same thing.

In December we ran into Ken and Barbie again at a chamber event and had a pretty interesting conversation with them about - guess what - healthy habits. With New Year's Resolution season just around the corner I was more open to the idea of making changes. I figured I'd give it a go with everyone else and just see what happened. I'd found a buddy to work out with (you may remember me talking about her) and I thought I was committed to doing what I thought I knew I was supposed to do.

Out of curiosity, and more than a little desperation, I started working with Trainer K and I mixed in a few of those tips that Barbie had mentioned.

As you know, within two weeks I had stopped working with Trainer K. Between her career move and my workout injury, I was just...done. Again.

Thank God for my husband!

He decided to try engaging Ken and Barbie as our coaches. Five months later...nothing is the same. It's taken a lot of persistence (and a lot of my husband telling me "no") but I'm a third of the way to my goal! The changes have been so simple - though not always exactly easy - and I think the progress really speaks for itself.

Pretty neat, huh?

Day 219

I'd like to start by saying that the forward progress demonstrated is the one and only reason I'm okay with sharing the first picture.

The picture on the left is me, in June of last year, at about 265 pounds. I'd spent two months working out for at least 30 minutes every morning, drinking protein shakes for 2 of my 3 meals (and some days for a snack). I was keeping my dinners mostly lean-meat and low-carb. I was working HARD! At the point I took this picture, I'd lost about 5, maybe 10 pounds. Maybe.

The picture on the right is me, ten minutes ago, in the exact same dress, at 274 pounds (and yes, standing on a chair).

Here's what I want you to notice, if you haven't seen it already:

(1.) In the first picture, I'm unhappy. Very unhappy.

I'm actually on the verge of tears there (I remember it pretty clearly) because this fantastic dress - with it's built in chubby hiding structure - is too small and isn't hiding much. In fact, I'm even turning away from the mirror as I take the picture because I just can't stand what I'm seeing...and the turned view isn't any better!

I cried immediately after taking that shot. It was just too much. I'd worked so hard, and I was...there. The only thing keeping me from hating this picture altogether is the one that comes after it.

It's also worth noting that this picture marks an especially low point in my marriage thus far, probably because my self confidence would have had to improve in order to get to absolute zero.

(2.) In the second picture, I just can't not smile!

I was scrolling through my phone after dinner tonight trying to free up some space when I saw this picture. It made me mad, and I almost deleted it, but then I got curious. So I dug the dress out of my closet and...well, you see the result!

I haven't been working very hard. I hate to say that, but I really haven't. I haven't been exercising (though I should be) and I haven't been eating anything too weird or complicated. I'm just following the simple program my health coach suggested to me. Sure beating back the cravings was hard at first but other than that it's been...and I hate this word...easy.

Since January I've shed 41 pounds - which also tells you that the picture on the left is not me at my largest. But I'm still 10 pounds heavier today than I was when I took that sad picture on the left. So why does the dress fit better?

Because I'm actually getting rid of all that stored fat.

Finally!

So I guess what I'm trying to say is:

(1.) YAYYAYYAYYAYYAY!
(2.) Don't give up. Please don't give up. What you're doing right now might not be working for you, but that doesn't mean that nothing will ever work for you. Call me, and we'll talk about your options.


And also, I can't wait for the day I put this dress on and it simply won't stay on because I'm too tiny!