Book Review: Wild in the Hollows

With the lyrical talent of a trained poet, Amber Haines tells a fantastic (and familiar) story of redemption in each of her lowest moments in life.

I want to believe this book is truth, I really do. I want to believe that there are people out there who live these lives where they see and feel God so intensely and obviously. But this story sounds like the same one I've heard time and again at the tent revivals of my childhood. Each person's story is different but has the same keynote: They were at rock bottom, and God appeared miraculously to them - and hasn't stopped doing so since then - but instead of having the power to overcome (as those from the Bible who witnessed God miraculously), they're stuck in the same old patterns.

This book is worded beautifully, though the flowery language does make it difficult to understand what the author is really trying to say sometimes. It tells a fantastical story that - if true - is wonderful. It also ends abruptly, with no clear point or 'moral of the story' ... it's almost as if a stranger walked into my house, told me their story, and then left.

Despite its flaws and being so fantastical that it hovers on unbelievable, it's a pleasant read and only took me an evening to get through - a nice one to pick up if you're looking for an extraordinary story to boost your faith in God's promises.

Book Review: It's Good to be Queen

Ever wondered what it must have been like for the Queen of Sheba to approach Solomon? What traits did she have to possess to gain the favor of such a wealthy and wise king?

Liz Curtis Higgs has, and she decided to write a book about what might have been.

In It's Good to be Queen, Higgs takes the account of Sheba's visit to Solomon - one of the shortest stories in the whole Bible - and turns it into a book by combining historic account, the different word combinations used in various Bible translations, and a heavy dose of imagination. She then uses this imaginary story filled with imaginary detail to tell women how they should behave.

Her points are good, suggesting that we should pursue generosity, openness, and wisdom (among other things).

If you're looking for a Bible-based lesson on how to be a powerful woman, this is not the place to look. However, if you're looking for an entertaining story and some good tips about being a good person, this is a great book. It's an easy read - easy to get into, and easy to put down when something else comes up - and it has great entertainment value. Higgs possesses a wonderful imagination and has beautifully crafted a detailed picture from the framework of general historic knowledge.

I received my copy of It's Good to be Queen for review from Blogging For Books. For more information, visit the It's Good to Be Queen webpage.

Book Review: Everyday Detox

After 5 years of struggling to understand the complicated environment of my husband's digestive process following a major surgery, I'm excited to see more and more books on the market attempting to address the all-important gut.

Everyday Detox by Megan Gilmore seemed to be just the book I needed! It promised recipes to heal the digestive process and - added bonus - help you lose weight! The intro sounded promising, with phrases like "crowd-pleasing" and the familiar reassurance that you don't have to live a life of deprivation to be healthy.

This book may well prove to be the solution for someone. And if so, I'm happy for them! Unfortunately, I'm not one of those people. I don't know what crowds Gilmore is feeding with these "crowd pleasing" recipes, but they aren't the crowds I know. In addition to that, some of the advice sounds sketchy (only eat from one food group per meal?) and definitely wouldn't work for my husband (the last time I tried to feed him fruit for breakfast, we got in a fight 20 minutes later that didn't resolve until he flopped onto the couch and admitted his real problem: "I'm SO HUNGRY!") Other advice in the intro contradicts everything I've learned about my husband's gut in the last five years through a combination of trial/error and research. I haven't gone through the program Gilmore received her certification for, but I know what doesn't work for my mister - eating lots of high-fiber or high-sulfur veggies like cauliflower, for example - and this book contains most of it.

I feel like I wasn't able to give this book a fair shake because I was hoping so much for it to be a piece in the solution puzzle, and it turned out to be such a disappointing collection of things I've already tried and set aside.

The book is written well from a technical standpoint; it flows well, reads simply so it's understandable, and the recipes seem easy to follow. Even though the author is asking for a big change - switch totally off dairy, processed foods, refined sugars, and most meat - it's possible that someone who's already more used to these changes will find this book to be a great resource for healthy meal recipes. I personally didn't receive any such benefit, making me glad that this book was sent to me for review by Blogging for Books - and that I didn't waste any money on it.

Book Review: Better Than Before

Have you ever looked around and thought "Why can't I get organized?"

Or maybe, "Why am I always late?"

Or even, "Why can't I stop snacking?"

Gretchen Rubin set out to discover why we have the habits we have, and what we can do to change them, after a conversation with a friend who just couldn't seem to "get into the habit" of exercise. The result of her research is this gem of a book that will always hold a treasured spot on my shelf.

I wrote in the margins, I lost track of time, I jabbered on to my husband about it until he almost knew the book better than me. Better than Before, Mastering the Habits of Our Everyday Lives may well be the catalyst you've been looking for. To me, it was like putting on a pair of glasses: All the things I thought I was seeing before suddenly became radically clearer.

I received this book for review from Blogging for Books. If you'd like to get your own copy, click here.

Book Review: A Simple Change

It has been at least four years since I sat down and read a book cover to cover in just one day. I couldn't put this one down!

Apparently the second book in a series (which I just now discovered when I was searching for the cover image), A Simple Change is the beautiful story of a girl learning to live in a world that is at once simpler and more complex than the one she's used to.

What I liked most about this book was that the themes of morality are carried throughout. Y'all have heard me gripe before about the "follow your heart and damn the consequences" message that was so prevalent in my childhood. This book is exactly the kind of story I've been looking for: one where smart decisions play a key role and consideration for how your choices affect other people is strongly encouraged.

Despite the moral and religious themes, this book lacks nothing in entertainment. The story moves quickly, the characters are developed well, and there's just the right amount of description - not enough to be burdensome, but not so little that you can't imagine the picture being painted.

Even though this was the second book in the series, I don't feel like I came into the middle of a story. It had a very clear beginning point and a great wrap up - with room for me to wonder "and then what happened?" so I'll probably be grabbing the rest of the series pretty soon here.

I love finding an historic romance novel that isn't just a bunch of contrived scenarios with sex scenes thrown in! (For those wanting to avoid it, this book actually doesn't have any sex. They don't even kiss until the last few chapters, it's all very wholesome). The story is well thought out and realistic, and I truly enjoyed myself.

I could say more, but I'll stop here and have you guys check out the Amazon listing for this if you're interested in finding out more.

*disclaimer: I received this book from a friend, who did not ask me to review it. This review is in no way associated with Amazon.

Book Review: Life on the Family Farm

Have you ever gone to a friend's family holiday event, sat uncomfortably on the floor, and listened to one of their relatives you'd never met before ramble on about how things used to be?

Me neither, but that's the picture I got in my mind each time I tried to read Life on the Family Farm by Tom Heck.

In all fairness, I'm sure loads of people enjoyed this book. People who, for example, lived on a family farm. It's full of quirky little stories about gophers and pulling rocks out of the fields and mending fences.

I think I really could have enjoyed this book, if it were just written a little differently. 30 pages in, I still had no idea why I should give a hoot about this dude or his farm (with its gophers and fences). I was having trouble keeping his kids names straight - probably because he was throwing them out willy-nilly without any context to make me care or anchor me to the person he was describing. I had no reason to care, no context to anchor to, nothing to really get me into the stories. 30 pages in, and I was done listening to my friend's grandpa tell discordant, rambling tales about the good ol' days when you put in a hard day's work and enjoyed fishing down by the creek in the evening.

For those of you who do enjoy this sort of thing, the chapters are small and easy to get through. You could even take it one quirky story at a time as you have your five or ten minute breaks throughout the day. It might even be relaxing to read a story that finishes off with a description of the big, beautiful, open skies at the end of a long and productive day.

If you're interested in checking out this book for yourself (or learning more about the author and what some people who actually enjoyed this book have to say), you can find all of that and more here.

*disclaimer: I received this book from a friend and was not specifically asked to review it. Amazon is not in any way affiliated with this review.

Book Review: Infuse

I love, love, love this book!

Not really being a person who drinks, about a third of it is almost totally useless to me. I mean, I might gift something infused to a family member for fun, but it's not going to become something I refer back to often. Despite that, I still love this book!

There's a great mixture of stories in with the recipes and instructions, and - oh my word - the pictures are amazing! Artistic and informative, the pictures accompanying these recipes are so beautiful I could just stare at them.

I didn't realize I was such an amateur infuser (I've been tossing fruit slices into a plastic pitcher of water for a day or two, nothing like this). I'm excited to try the recipes, which seem easy to follow -- and have I mentioned the pictures? Overall, I'm really happy that this book is now a member of my kitchen. And I'm really looking forward to upping my infusing game!

I received this book from Blogging For Books for review - and I'm so glad! For more information, visit the author's bio page here (and order your own copy!).

Day 317 - All Things New

The transformation of a butterfly is by no means an easy process. One day, after a full life as a caterpillar, the little bug starts to build itself a grave. It labors harder than its ever worked before, building this grave onto its own body. It closes the last gap, leaving itself squeezed into a vessel half the size of its body...

and it completely dissolves.

That's right. The magical thing that's happening inside the cocoon is a tiny bug slowly turning into goop. The brain and a tiny set of wings, which were contained inside the caterpillar's body, are all that's left of the caterpillar it once was. Brain, wings, and goop. Then the goop begins to form a new bug body, and the wings grow larger inside the cocoon, until there's no room left in the tiny grave for the new creature. It fights its way out of the tightly-wrapped husk, but it still isn't finished. After this long process of building a grave, turning to goop, and becoming an entirely different bug, the butterfly still has to go through the work of carefully un-folding its crumpled up and still mostly goopy wings. Then it rests, beautiful but vunerable, while it waits for the wings to dry and solidify.

Only after it has gone through this arduous journey can a butterfly be appreciated. Until then, it's just a bug. A butterfly's purpose in the ecosystem is to pollenate flowers so that new flowers and vegetables and fruits can grow. But before it goes through this process of dissolving into goop and then becoming a whole new bug, the work it does has little to do with pollenation.

The Bible holds two major references to transformation. The first is in 2 Chrorinthians 5:17
 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

The second major reference is in Revalation chapter 21. To paraphrase: Heaven and earth pass away and God makes a new heaven and a new earth. 

People like these verses. And why wouldn't we? They hold the promise that gets us through the hard times, the promise that someday things will be better. 

What people forget is the part that comes before things being better: The part where everything ends. People forget that the caterpillar isn't just resting in a bed while it painlessly and magically becomes a butterfly. It's dissolving, turning into goop, and becoming a whole new bug. Jesus talked over and over again about how stepping into the life he has for us will require leaving everything else behind.

What if the caterpillar stayed a caterpillar? What if it decided that building its own grave was frightening, that turning to goop sounded too painful, or that it didn't want to become a new bug because then it might lose its personality as a caterpillar? It would never reach its purpose. It would never become a useful part of the ecosystem. It would be forever trapped as the menace that eats the leaves of our squash plants. 

Or worse, what if the caterpillar went through the trial of building its grave, turned into goop, and then gave up because becoming a new bug was just too hard after all it had already been through? Sometimes, for whatever reason, you'll find a long-dead chrysalis with no sign that a butterfly has emerged. Because if you choose to stay in your pain, if you choose not to move past being goop, you can't get what you need to continue living. Maybe the husk will stick around, like a dead chrysalis on a tree branch, but your spirit will suffocate, starve, and die. 

God is in the business of new. But new cannot happen while old is in the way. First the old things must be gotten rid of, and then the new can be formed. 

Maybe you feel like you're far away from your purpose. Maybe you feel like you're surrounded by pain and everything's falling apart. Maybe, like the butterfly, you feel like you're finally on the other end of the struggle but you still can't move forward. 

Just remember: All things new. Step by step, day by day, old things are being removed so that there is room for the new. If you simply continue on the path you know is right - doing the things day by day that will move you closer to your goals - some day you will be able to look at your past from a higher perspective and you will say "That time of my life was painful, and it was frightening, and sometimes I felt like giving up. But today I am a whole new person, I'm fulfilling my purpose like never before, and I know that the pain I went through was just a piece of what brought me to this place."

Day 309 - I Win

It's important to celebrate our victories.

For about two weeks, I've been working hard to change some of my food habits. Specifically, my storage and preparation habits. I ceared the clutter from my pantry and super organized it - learning in the process that I had about 3x the space I thought I did! I bought new storage containers, and I started specifically storing things in pre-weighed portions. I even started cooking up a little extra when I made dinner, storing that away for later.

I also changed what I bought, going for whole wheat pastas, brown rice, and a mixture of fresh, frozen, and canned fruits and vegetables.

It was a lot of work. I won't kid you. And it was a lot of work I was doing even when I was tired, or when my injury was bothering me. I was even starting to feel like it was a whole lotta work for a whole lotta nothing. But then...

Yesterday I hit the wall with six hours to go. I was tired enough to fall asleep standing up, kept awake mostly by the pain in my leg from hving overdone it for the day, and I still had six hours of errands and meetings to go to.

I was crying as I dragged myself into the house after it was all over. I had no brain power for talking to my husband, or figuring out what was for dinner, and I was certainly not up for standing at the counter for an hour to chop and cook healthy veggies and meat.

Used to be, that was when I depended on Papa John to rescue me. I'd order up some comfort food and drop onto the couch to inhale my overlarge portion.

But I've been working so hard to change my habits...and it worked. I didn't even think about good ol' John. I just went to my fridge and threw some stuff together without a thought. My autopilot was in control, and I was going to eat whatever it ended up with.

Here's the win part: dinner last night was good, and it was healthy!

I ended up with whole wheat pasta with some cheese (a perfect portion, thanks to earlier work), diced chicken (left over from a double batch when I made chicken tacos) with just a little bit of low-cal teriyaki suce (not glaze!), and pears from a can.

Exciting? Not really. But it fit in perfectly with my goals - which I didn't even realize until I punched it into my calorie tracker while the pasta cooled. As a bonus, I was so perfectly within my macronutrient goals yesterday, I actually woke up two pounds lighter!

Moral of the story: put the work into changing your habits, and your habits will change the way you live.

Book review: The World Before Us by Aislynn Hunter

Someone disappears,  and someone else's life is changed forever.

The World Before Us is a page-turner, following the main character - Jane - as she digs into the secrets of the past. I found this book extraordinarily written, and I was engrossed. I loved the characters and the just-right description,  as well as the way the story trotted along. However, at the end I found myself asking whether I'd read the same story the author was intending to write. I became very attached to certain characters whose story I felt was left incomplete (despite the beautiful way the main character story closed).

All in all a good book, but with a somewhat disappointing finish for me.

(I received this book for review from Blogging For Books)

more info

Finding home - Part 2 - (day 266)

Human bodies are human bodies no matter where you go. They're machines, based in science, and fairly predictable.

Except when they aren't.

What the health and wellness industry seems to have forgotten (and what I only recently realized) is that just because human bodies are human bodies - machines - doesn't mean that we're all the same *type* of machine. Maybe you're a hybrid, and I'm a mack truck. Both machines, both operating under the same basic concept, but radically different.












Right now, it seems like most Americans are hybrids. The magazines cater to them, the fitness gurus talk to them, and they're drawing in the rest of the country with their amazing success stories. Except, we're forgetting that not everyone is a hybrid. Some of us are mack trucks.

For years I've been studying (and trying to follow) the health and fitness advice out there - most of which comes from eastern countries. Yoga, for example, comes from India. Much of our understanding of what foods to eat and not eat come from China and Greece. Lots of our exercise practices come from ancient Rome.

Where *don't* these things come from? Ireland, Scotland, Germany, and Norway.

Where do I come from? Genetically speaking: Ireland, Scotland, Germany, and Norway.

It's taken over a year of intense research for me to finally figure out that I should probably be looking for advice about how to take care of my body from people who have been taking care of bodies like mine for centuries. You don't ask a Toyota technician to rebuild a Mack truck engine.

I say 'figure out,' but what I mean is "stumble blindly into." My recent fascination with running as a lifestyle led me to a beginner's guide and I bought it before I realized where it came from. When I did see the British copyright info, I almost didn't read it! "I'm American," I thought, "I should get advice from Americans." But something - curiosity, probably - urged me on.

For most of my life, the health and fitness conversation has felt like Trigonometry class: I don't get it, everyone else seems to get it, I can't figure out why I don't get it, and it frustrates the living daylights out of me. But the British magazine changed everything. The words inside are encouraging, the advice makes sense, and the training plan looks like the most do-able thing on the planet. 

Too good to be true, I thought. This has to be a load of bull. 

Another recent fascination is genetics and how they affect the ways that people develop and what they need. Do Celtic women really have hotter tempers than most? Are Norse men made for war? As I was reading this British magazine, two thoughts occurred to me:

1) Do those of Celtic/Norse heritage have different nutritional and exercise needs than other genetic groups?
2) Where, geographically, do the Celts and Norse concentrate together?


After research I can tell you the answers are: "Yes," and "BRITAIN, DUMMY!"

It's such a relief to finally see solutions to my problems. Better yet, I can now see that my desire for certain macro-nutrient groups (sugars and fats mainly) isn't just a self-discipline issue. Portion control is a self-discipline issue, but the desire itself and the fact that my life is just better when I'm giving in to that desire even a little, doesn't make me a weak person! As it turns out, Celtic female bodies just tend to need more sugars and fats than, say, African or Spanish or Greek or even strictly English bodies.

All these years of beating myself up and feeling like a failure because I just can't manage to totally keep my hands off the sweets (and when I do, it's for a short period followed by a long binge). All these years, and what I really needed was to find home. To find the people like me, who held the missing puzzle pieces.

What a relief!

Finding Home - part 1 (Day 265)

Have you ever stood in a crowd of people you have nothing in common with?

My junior year in high school, I took trigonometry. I was going for a special diploma and I needed extra math credits, so trig and calculus were in my schedule for the last two years. It was probably the single most frustrating experience in my life so far. Everyone else in the room knew what was going on. They remembered formulas and patterns I'd never heard of, recognized symbols I'd never seen.

Every night, I'd stay up as long as I could manage, studying the pages of my textbook until everything blurred together, using up stack after stack of paper as I tried to figure out the solution to the equations before me. Every morning, I'd drag myself out of bed, across the 3 mile walk to school, and into a classroom two hours before school started, to get extra tutoring from the teacher.

Over and over I heard, "If you'd just apply yourself," "just think about it, you know the answer," or "if you just try harder." Sometimes I would get better, I'd get a few answers right, and I'd bring my grade up a little. But in the end, I had to spend time after school re-organizing the math department's storage room for extra credit just so I could pass the class with a D. It was the first time in my academic career that I failed a class, and it was devastating. I couldn't figure out why everyone else in the class seemed to find this so easy, and why I was failing despite working so much harder than the rest of my peers.

The next semester I took Algebra 2, and learned that I really should have been in that class first. Here, after I had already failed and lost my chance at the advanced diploma, I learned what I should have known all along.

Have you ever stood in a crowd of people you have nothing in common with? Have you ever tried to have a conversation with these people?

The health and fitness conversation has felt a lot like trigonometry class for me. Everyone says things like "Just try harder," "just eat less," and "just have more discipline." Less sugar. Less carbs. Less food. More exercise. Less meat. More cardio. Less grains. More strength training. Less fuel. More reps. Push yourself as hard as you can go on as little as your body will let you get away with. I voraciously study medical journals, running and weight lifting and bodybuilding magazines, psychology research, anything I can get my hands on to help me unlock the door to my healthier life. All around me are the stories of people who have found success in the same answers:

Less, and more.

Just like with trig, sometimes I hit on some magic streak in the universe and I start to get the answers right. Getting my body into a state of Ketosis provided fast, easy results and gave me hope, but I didn't address any of the real stuff: what my body actually needed, why I reach for sweets so often, or what kind of exercise really was best. So when I left Ketosis in favor of training for the marathon, it only took one injury to undo the progress I'd made.

Fortunately, I'm not stuck. With the math classes, I was stuck. Someone messed up, I didn't know any better, and by the time I figured it out, it was too late to change anything. But I'm only 23 and I've got plenty of time to change the conversation surrounding my health. So I keep studying, keep learning, keep searching. And a good thing, too! Because in my search, I found answers in a place I never thought to look: Britain.

Two steps forward, one step back (Day 234)

For nine months, I've been looking forward to the Rock 'n' Roll marathon in June. Having that goal of completing the half marathon has caused so much growth for me! I know that my pursuit of the goal has made me a better person.

It breaks my heart a little to admit this, but I have to let go of that goal for now. In August I injured myself and never went to a doctor, and now the injury has turned into a problem that's going to keep me out of this year's race.

I'm tempted to beat myself up over this. After all, it was pretty stupid of me to refuse to see a doctor for my overuse injury (which I got from being kinda stupid in the first place). When I started to train again in January and the pain came back worse than ever, it was pretty stupid of me to ignore it and wait until the end of March to admit that - just maybe - I needed a doctor.

But we all do stupid stuff from time to time. I'm holding on to the ways that I've grown because of this goal in the last nine months. I'm choosing to see the victories in the new ways I handle my hurdles, in the determination I've found to keep going even when it hurts, and in the revelation that I really do want to be a runner.

This isn't the end for me. I still have goals. I plan to run the half next year instead of walking it this year, and that still means a whole lot of training. I'm really excited about that! For now, I have to admit my humanity and go see a doctor about this knee before I damage it any further.

Two steps forward, one step back, and I'm still farther along than I used to be. 2015 is going to be my best year yet.

Book Review: Modern Manners, Tools to Take You to the Top.

I will never forget my first impression when I saw Liv Tyler as Arwen in the Lord of the Rings movies: Wow. She brought the grace and elegance of the elves to life, and instantly became my personal measure of sophistication. Imagine my delight when I saw that she'd helped to write a book about manners!

Modern Manners: Tools to Take You to the Top, written by Dorothea Johnson of the Protocol School of Washington and by Liv Tyler, is the ultimate beginner's guide to not looking like you were raised by wolves. Never again will I sit down to a formal dinner and find myself paralyzed by the sheer number of forks at the table, or struggle to imagine the protocol when meeting an affluent client for lunch.

Written in a simple, concise manner, this book is easy to understand and will always hold a place on my shelf for quick reference. The format is fun, with each portion separated into easy-to-digest chunks and supplemented by cute but informative drawings, so that you can learn at your own pace.  Dorothea Johnson and Liv Tyler do an excellent job of bringing their personalities into their suggestions, making their lessons relate-able and easy to remember.

I received my copy of Modern Manners from Blogging for Books (www.bloggingforbooks.org), and I will absolutely be recommending this book to everyone I know. As Dorothea says toward the end: "Times change. Manners change. However, the need to have good manners never changes."

More Information

Day 217 - the TL;DR version

Find the full blog post here.

In January and February I convinced myself that I didn't need to try as hard, and the results were pretty bad. I maintained weight and - in February - gained some size.

But I did one thing right in January and February: I did a lot of research. A ton of research. I learned a lot about myself, my goals, and how to move forward from here.

With that in mind, I have 3 major action plans relating to my goals for March:

1) I'm making myself a dress (and my goal is to finish it this month)
2) I'm writing a brand new book, and then actually moving forward on the process of self-publishing.
3) I'm engaging with a trusted friend of mine who is a body builder and personal trainer, to create a workout program that is going to healthfully propel me toward my goals.

These things are on the outskirts of my comfort zone. They're a stretch, but I think they're going to be good for me and I'm excited about that!

Day 217 - A Progress Update

I have this terrible habit of forgetting I have anything important to say, and abandoning my platforms for months on end. My self-esteem seizes up and I think, "Well, nobody wants to know about that anyway." But forgetting to share, keeping my progress and pitfalls to myself, only takes away the accountability I need so much. I'm not good at keeping promises to myself yet, because I'm the most graceful person I can make a promise to. I'll always give myself the benefit of the doubt - especially when it's not deserved.

With that in mind, I'm back! Here to update you on how I've been doing and what I plan to do next, so I can begin to re-integrate accountability into my life.

I need accountability. In fact, I need it desperately if I plan to have any success.

In January I set about trying to lose weight again with the Medifast meal replacements as a tool, but I didn't really take it seriously. I didn't want to give up my sweets, and I had an over-exaggerated idea of just how many sweets I could handle. Trying turned into not trying in the name of moderation and by the end of the month I'd maintained my weight and size.

In February I decided to try again, but I didn't really try until right at the end. In the 2nd week I gave up sugar for a whopping 5 days. At the end of that 5 days a friend of mine got married and I planned in advance to indulge myself. I did a good job! That is, my exercise matched my input really well. But then I got back home and started not paying attention again. The net result for February was that I maintained weight and gained size. (blech!)

I have done some things right over the course of the last two months: I've been learning.


I've been reading magazines, studying research papers, looking up articles and linked articles, pulling what's useful to me from the vast pools of information available, and absorbing it.

I've picked up fitness magazines, cooking magazines, psychology articles, even glamour magazines! I've been taking in every bit of information I can possibly muster.

Most helpfully, I've been reading about the methods other people use (and consider successful) when they're making a lifestyle change that includes losing weight but goes beyond that into health.

 I've been reading about how to exercise with a knee injury (I've developed Bursitis from my injury back in August), how to understand the signals your body is sending you, and how to fight off cravings. I've been reading about the psychology behind food attachments, how to plan your meals around a food allergy (or a host of them), and how to put the past to rest once and for all.

In all of this research, I've learned that there's still so much more to learn. But with every new piece of information, the picture becomes clearer.

I've begun to enjoy working out again because I understand the purpose - the end goal - as something other than "because I should."

More importantly than all of that, I'm learning myself. I'm not just reading an article and laying it aside. I'm picking it apart, digesting it, discussing it, until I fully understand what doors the new information has unlocked. I'm learning that I'm a competitive person and that's okay! I'm learning that I want to be the best, do the most, go the farthest; and I'm learning that I can harness that desire to propel me toward where I want to be in life.

Today it's March 3rd and even though I'm kicking myself over the way I handled my goals in January and February, I'm also celebrating the fact that I've finally forced something I've always considered a character flaw to work for me. I've taken the little know-it-all brat in my brain, and put her to good use.

So what am I going to do about all of this?

In March I have a few goals, in line with my goals for the year.

- One of my goals for the year is to create a happier me. In this vein, I'm pursuing my hobbies with greater focus, taking them seriously, and giving myself permission to do so. The things that bring me enjoyment aren't a waste of time, and I'm learning that. With that in mind, I'm crocheting myself a dress! It's the very first time I'm making something with a wool blend yarn and a pattern, and I'm excited!

- Another of my goals for the year is to face the fears that hold me back from success in my areas of passion. With this goal in mind, I'm writing a new book in March. It'll be complete fiction, totally made up with my own creativity. I'm going to dedicate at least 10 hours a week to the project until it's finished. Then, instead of letting it sit in a file and be forgotten, I'm going to actually share it with someone else and embrace the opportunity for constructive criticism. (wish me luck!)

- One of my most important goals for the year is to lose enough weight that I can feel confident having kids. I, personally, don't want to be overweight and pregnant. But in my learning over the past two months, I've decided that it's about so much more than weight. I want to be *healthy,* with an active lifestyle that supports me even when I'm laid up for a while (as is common during pregnancy in my family). I also have a coinciding goal to complete the Rock 'n' Roll half marathon here in Seattle in June. With this in mind, I've decided to utilize a friend I trust who is a personal trainer and a body builder.

Let me just say: This is a huge step for me. Engaging a body builder?!?!? I never wanted to look she-hulk (and still don't), but in my research I've realized that a personal trainer who is also a body builder is going to have a more complete idea of how to help me truly build health instead of just losing weight.

These are all goals that stretch the edges of my comfort zone. I'm creeping into territories that I've made fun of for years (yarn snobs, independently published authors, and body builders/competition athletes). But I think the end result will leave me much happier, much healthier, and much closer to the life I want for myself in the long run.